Self-soothing and Touch in the COVID-19 Era (with Steve Reedy)

Guest Explorer: Steve Reedy, MA, LPC, RMT, NMT, RYT200
www.renewed-spirit.com
www.monkeymindtales.com

Zoya Flow – www.thepossibilityflow.com

Touch is an important tool for comfort and nurturing during times of stress. Due to the nature of the Coronavirus, it’s a tool many people are having to deny themselves either by choice or through the stay-at-home orders many areas are under. What can we do to soothe ourselves during this era?

Steve Reedy is a multi-faceted healer based in Dallas, Texas. A licensed professional counselor for more than 10 years, his cognitive therapy approach is applied to relationships, divorce therapy, and the mental and emotional challenges that his clients face. As a registered massage therapist, neuromuscular massage, Thai massage, and yoga therapist, Steve helps his clients to meet their physical goals. For the energetic Self, he offers crystal, stone, and sound bowl therapy and is a Reiki Master of more than 15 years. He is a former continuing education professor at The University of Texas at Arlington (UTA) where he taught Meditation 101 and continues to offer an abbreviated, one-on-one version of that course to his clients.

Steve is also a published author of a series of books called Monkey Mind Tales. He recently released his third book in the series, Tales from Bombast’s Bookshelf. This is a collection of fun, engaging short stories for people of all ages, to help readers learn about ways to better manage their thoughts.
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The Five Love Languages Quiz: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/

Transcript

Tiff:   0:11


Tiff:   0:11
Hey, Young, it's to welcome to The Possibility Flow where we release ourselves from the box of conformity in wanting possibilities. Yeah.  Hey, ya'll, Welcome aboard. I never thought I'd be kicking this podcast self with the world experiencing anything like what it is right now. And we're living through a pandemic. That's something I never thought I'd experienced in my lifetime. And from one end of the globe to the other, people have been shaken up by this, if not directly than indirectly. I'm recording this from home, and I imagine that you may still be listening to this from home because although things are starting to open up a little bit now, governments have implemented stay at home no contact and quarantine orders in order to try to control the spread of the virus, since it's so highly contagious. But what that means that said, in order to protect ourselves and others were having to deny ourselves something that could be instrumental in our mental, physical and emotional healing and protection touch. In this exploration, I'd like us to have a look at the implications of this and ask ourselves, Is it possible for us to learn ways to soothe ourselves that not only service through this period of time but also can service after this passes because it will pass. Joining us today is Steve Reidy, a licensed counselor in Dallas with more than 10 years experience with the focus on relationships, divorce, therapy and mental and emotional challenges. Now Steve has had the opportunity over the years to see how touch is relevant in the lives of his clients. But in addition to that, Steve is also a published author with a series of books called Monkey Mind Tales and has recently released his third book in the series, Tales From Bombast Bookshelf, which is a wonderful collection of short stories to teach readers how to take back control of their lives and thoughts in ways that are easily digestible from readers. From ages 8 80 Steve is also a specialist and neuromuscular and Thai massage and yoga therapy, as well as Crystal Stone and sound, both therapy, and he's also raking Master, which is how I know Steve, because when I was looking to be trained as a breaking healer myself, I found this wonderful, gifted and talented teacher nearby. Steve, I just wanna Thank you so much for joining us here today on The Possibility Flow.

Steve Reedy:   2:49
I'm happy to be here. Thanks for having me.

Tiff:   2:52
Wonderful. Steve, you and I have had the opportunity to talk quite a bit about what's happening in the world right now and speaking for myself. It has been an adjustment, as I imagine it's been for most people out there in one way or another. Anyway,

Steve Reedy:   3:05
Yeah, I've been having to adjust myself. Um, I have luckily been able to move most of my clients to video. But of course, as we're gonna probably talk about a little later, doing things on video is not the same as doing things in person, right? So it has adjustment, just not for me, but for all of my clients as well. Not just my clients that I'm doing counseling with, but all the clients that I had that were coming in for Ray, he or no mustard therapy, which is like mezut medical work. Um, meditation, counseling, all of that, like everyone else's lives, has been put on hold for the time being.

Tiff:   3:45
All right.

Steve Reedy:   3:46
And I'm seeing the effect that is having on the people that were in the middle of their therapy. Ah, and a lot of them. I mean, not only are they now stuck at home, but they're stuck at home not knowing which direction to go, because the direction they were going has suddenly had a road block put in front of it.

Tiff:   4:06
Yeah, that's very challenging. And if someone has experienced a number of different types of therapy myself over the years, whether it was talk therapy or reiki healing or other forms, I didn't involve touch. I know it can be very comforting to meet your therapist in person.

Steve Reedy:   4:23
Yes, exactly. Um, just just greeting each other, feeling the energy and the vibration off the other person can be soothing in itself. Um, people, I mean, we say a lot about touch, but people vibrate outward as well. And so you can feel the absence of someone when they're not in the house. And you feel the absence of people when you are isolated, not just, you know, physical touch, but the boy vibration from voice, the vibration from movement. Movement. That's not yours. Invoice. That's not yours. Um, and again, to so many people are having to adjust to that right now in a way that they never have before in their life. It is gonna be interesting to see all the blog's and research that comes out of this experience three years from now to see what it actually did to us is a populist. But right now we're the guinea pigs, and we're the ones going through it.

Tiff:   5:25
Yeah, we're all going through it together, and it certainly doesn't discriminate, right? I mean, it doesn't matter about your age or your beliefs or anything. It's We're all experiencing it on some level, you know? You think Sure. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

Steve Reedy:   5:40
I know. Yes, we are.

Tiff:   5:43
You know, you mentioned about how our about our energy. I believe it was Visit the Heart Mathis Institute, but they mentioned that are even the the energy field from our heart radiates out for I think it's like, 10 feet or something like that. So, you know, if you're going to see your counselor, if you're meeting with someone who provoked who can provide comforting to you, just being in their presence can help to provide that soothing that's needed, especially during stressful times.

Steve Reedy:   6:14
Yeah, has to do with not only presence But then the vibration from the voice itself, which is different work, then when it comes through on Elektronik means the vibration of actually the boys comes from, like you said the heart and the throat, and we're missing both of those. So again, um, it's an interesting time where people are probably going to come out of it with a great deal, more appreciation for the vibration of others

Tiff:   6:49
even. Ah, introverts like you and I. Well,

Steve Reedy:   6:53
introverts, um, a lot of us. We like a lot of introverts that I have counseled over the years. It's not that they don't like being around people's, that they have a great deal of difficulty being around an extreme amount of vibration created by a crowd. The vibration of one person is welcomed or even to people. But if you consider every human being is admitting outward, like ripples in a pond from one drop of water if you suddenly get a rainstorm, that pond is full of ripples. And that's what the person who is isolating themselves eyes trying to avoid that crazy amount of vibration. Um, I think introverts get a raw deal sometimes because they are looked at as loners and hermits and so on when actually, they just desire to have a connection with the human being that's on a deeper level and vibrational e really don't enjoy being in a large crowd.

Tiff:   8:04
You know, I love the way you you put that, but you know, it's funny. For those who know me, I'm a gym and I I am so so Jim and I I mean, I'm Jim and I on top Egyptian and but, you know, when I'm in a social situation, I can hang back, and I can just kind of people watching and chill. But other times, man, I listen, but I can talk to being I mean, you know that, Steve, because you've been around me in social situations. But to get me out of my house sometimes takes a real effort because, well, I enjoy being social more than anything. I just like to chill out at home and be at peace with myself in the quiet. You know,

Steve Reedy:   8:55
I think also people who, um can actually exist in the quiet of their own space and enjoy it without their imagination. Brain worry, etcetera, getting in the way. They really recharge through being alone, whereas other people, whenever they're left alone with their mind, their mind is not controllable. And so those people actually desire need to be out with others because it is a constant distraction from the negativity or the chaos or the constant chronic thinking that is in their own mind, right? It's almost like in yoga. They call, um, you know, concentrating on an object concentrating on adrift E In a weird way. A lot of people use other people as they're dressed e as long as they're focusing on someone else, they don't have to think their own thoughts.

Tiff:   9:50
That's good.

Steve Reedy:   9:50
So again, people that are secluded and isolated right now are having to sit alone with their thoughts in a way that maybe they never have before.

Tiff:   10:01
Mm yeah, you know, from that perspective as challenging oven experience, I think this is right now. I feel there's an opportunity for growth in that it took me a while to get to the place where I was truly comfortable with my own company without feeling like I had to be with other people or, um, there was a period of my life when I Onley felt validated if people were asking me out to go do things, you know? If anything. Now I feel like I feel like I've overcorrected, you know? But, um, but I think we have the opportunity. Learned to sit silently in the push up against I call it leaning in to that discomfort, and sometimes we don't have an opportunity or an option to do anything else. When, when that happens, then we can. Now I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who I don't have a house full of people, right? Let's talk about a little bit about the people who are in a household with others. What are you seeing in those situations?

Steve Reedy:   11:13
Those who aren't isolated? Yeah. Um, well, I've seen quite a few different things, actually, because I have primarily focused on couples counseling. For the last 10 years, I've done quite a few individual, but mostly couples. And so, of course, when they come in to me, they're usually either at the end of their relationship or in the middle and deciding which way they want to go, leave or stay. Um, and so I get a rare opportunity to actually hear the lives of others. in ways that other people don't. And I've been noticing that a lot of people who have had extreme marital issues are suddenly having to put those on the shelf just to be able to survive together right now. So a lot of couples who have been having issues with communication or issues with sex or issues with just you keep leaving your glass on the counter kind of thing. They, um, are now having to press the reset button and figure out how to get through this together. So I'll be interested. I've been hearing a lot of my couples suddenly just putting all their problems on hold because, like a tornado hitting their house, this suddenly, um, has become the one thing that they need to focus on rather than who keeps leaving their shoes in the hallway. And those are the ones that I will be interested to see what this does for them, cause suddenly they're gonna have to start to talk. They're gonna have to start to listen. Um, and those that are able to Then they will come out of this knowing that they were not that they either need more help. Of course, or, you know, need to leave on.

Tiff:   13:03
Do you see that being the case? Long term, though. I mean, right now we're still adjusting its suspected that we may be in the state another few months at least. So how do you see a shaken out in the end? A to least on on average.

Steve Reedy:   13:20
Well, I think the couples that have come in with moderate problems of communication or just yeah, haven't really felt connected over the years and really have been unable to focus on each other. This might give them that opportunity. So I do see some positive in this for them, The ones where it has they are coming in due to issues where they are not a match. And they weren't a match before they got married. This will definitely shine a light on how much they're not a match. And by the end of this, hopefully they will now have an answer to the question. Should we unmatched ourselves? So again, something positive will come out of this even though, probably during the experience, it's not gonna be able that pleasant.

Tiff:   14:12
What is touch plan All of that, then?

Steve Reedy:   14:14
Well, I do have a lot of clients that come in just with physical touch issues, primarily with couples. Normally, um, if you've ever looked up the five love languages, uh, I have couples that come in where physical touch is one person's number one love language, and then the other person physical touches their number five love language. Now the love languages are basically how a person expresses love or receive love from their partner. And so, in cases where a person's love language is Number one and their partners love, language is physical. Touch is number one. They get along great when it's physical. Touch is number one for one, and physical touches number five for the other. They don't get along so great, Um, mainly in cases like this, where a person needs to be soothed physical touch for a physical touch person is the way that they feel soothed. And not only that, but it's also the way they sue the others, like stroking their hair, touching their shoulder or touching their hand. They try to soothe through touch and receive soothing through touch, whereas if the person who they are with words of affirmation is number one and physical touches last. What they really want is for someone to tell them is going to be OK. They don't want to be touched. In fact, being touched really doesn't do anything. Um,

Tiff:   15:46
it may even feel like a violation.

Steve Reedy:   15:48
Yeah, a lot of times, physical touch People are confused with someone just wanting to, you know, get off or get something, rather than someone who actually, by touching someone else, they feel soothed or being touched by someone else. They feel soothed or loved. Um, and so people who are now stuck at home and they have different love languages it is quite possible that they're not going to necessarily know how to soothe each other. And so this will most likely, if it continues for the next several months, become a huge problem in relationships where one person needs to be touched and the other person needs to be talked to down from the ledge kind of thing,

Tiff:   16:35
right? Well, you know, I believe I've shared with you before that I have this belief that we can actually use or love languages to create distance. If a person is a physical touch person and they want to create decision that they will not allow their partner or other people in their intimate space, even if their friends or whomever to touch them, because whether they're wanting to validate a story that they have in their mind Or, um, were they just for whatever that reason may be right. And so I'd be curious to see when their studies done after this after we make it through all of this, um, to see how people in a confined space may be used, their love languages to to create distance When, um when when they're there at their wits end. You know

Steve Reedy:   17:30
now when you're saying they use their love language to create distance, you mean they're actually using physical touch, denying someone else the ability to love them by denying that person touch

Tiff:   17:43
by denying that person the ability to touch them. So if if I have a partner and my partner knows that my love languages in my number one love languages touch. But there's is, let's say words of affirmation. I think this one you referenced before, but they make an effort to communicate with me in the way that's meaningful to me. And if I'm feeling salty about whatever, right. I may not allow them to touch me, and, um and I think the psychology behind that it says, Well, you're not giving me what I need, but I'm also not allowing you to give me what I need. So I think that sometimes I don't like to use the word games, but the things the games that we play in order to to what we may subconsciously think is protecting ourselves. Or it may also be trying to find a ways to find peace when we don't know another way to communicate.

Steve Reedy:   18:34
Well, if your partner is trying to connect to you and you have a story in your head that your partners, you know, an insensitive no socio path, then it doesn't match the story. So, yeah, by denying them the ability to do that, you can continue the story.

Tiff:   18:53
Yeah, very much so. So let me ask you then, about about Children where they fit into all of this Children as we know it touches very important from very early on in life. It's a matter of fact, I would I would even say that since we don't have our ability to see when we're coming out of the womb. The first thing sensation that we have is the doctor of the midwife or whoever's hands touching us to remove us from the moon regardless of how our bar. So, uh, how would you say that for Children, this corn, the quarantines in this self isolating How is that affecting them?

Steve Reedy:   19:37
Well, I mean, it depends on the child, the family. Really? Um, you have Children that are brought up in families where, you know, physical touch is a way that they express love. And there's cuddling and holding and all of that going on, um, and the child feels loved. And that's an amazing, wonderful thing until, of course, the child goes through puberty and then suddenly all touch ends until a another moment in time. Whenever supposedly according to whatever religion or social structure you live in, says it's OK to touch again. So you got someone who is loved and touched through the better part of their childhood and then is cut off for the next six years, except if there's a good dose of guilt mixed in with it, and then maybe they get to start again. But then they've got to also find someone who is a physical touch person. And so you have a lot of physical touch. People who, like I think you and I talked about before, fall in love with the first person who touches them,

Tiff:   20:48
Ryan,

Steve Reedy:   20:49
because they mistake that that a spark that happens whenever they're finally feeling touch from another human being. That mistake that for love rather than you know, explosion of serotonin and dopamine. But then you also get Children who I've talked to, that their parents aren't touchy people or their parents are absent. Or there's other things going on with their parents that, you know, it's pretty difficult for the parent and the child, and they don't get to experience that kind of thing. Um, so for a physical touch person, they is almost as if they never truly get to experience love

Tiff:   21:34
with

Steve Reedy:   21:34
the feeling of love. And so if they're denied it at a young age, I don't know if they would crave it or if they kind of wouldn't know what they're missing kind of thing. Um, that would be something that would be interesting, of course, to research. Maybe at some point,

Tiff:   21:58
Well, you know that actually leads me. Teoh, The study that was done of the Romanian orphans, Uh, who under the shade. I can never say his name. Right, But Ceaucescu, um, he was the Romanian president has close enough. Uh, but from from the way this guy was, you know, I don't care to pronounce this name the right way, you know? But he had this the's mandates that he tied population to economic strength. And so as a result of this, this guy made it a requirement that and I can't remember the exact ages. But I want to say that if a woman didn't have at least four Children by the age of 30 or 35 then she was hit with a 30% tax. I'm sure I'm getting the specifics wrong, but, um, close off and men likewise were penalized us well, and then later he raised it to I want to say, five Children by the age of 40. Um and the result was that there are all these Children who were born by couples who really didn't want these Children, and so their solution was to just dump him off into the surrender them into the foster system. And so they were raised in these deplorable conditions in orphanages where, you know, there was, you know, feces and especially Children who who were head had mentally emotional challenges, which they may have thought that they may have been born that way. But it also very well could have been because of their environment on these Children were treated even the worst, and so after he was overthrown and, um, in studies were done after the fact the Children that were that were raised in that environment, even for the first few years, had serious developmental challenges. And ah, and abilities to throughout their lives. Even now, from what I understand, they still struggle with how to really connect with regardless of what their leveling, which was how to really connect in a healthy way in with with other beings.

Steve Reedy:   24:16
Yeah, it being separated from, you know, being able to connect to someone when you're young. That doesn't just affect people with physical touches of love language. That's people across the board. Um, like Harry Harl owes study of recess Monkey's way back in the 19. I think it was like 19 fifties back before behaviorists. Uh, we're concerned about being picketed for all the horrible things there to eat animals. He actually took a lot of recess Monkey's little babies and separated them from their moms. And just to see what what happened to them. And unfortunately, we have this study that does show that's separating from the mother at a young age causes. Ah, a great deal of, um, issues with the growth of, ah, monkey in ways. Um, they did all these tests where they would put the monkey on a wire mother and then put the monkey on a mother with a made out of cloth and then just completely isolate the monkey and so on. And so they weren't able to grow socially. They weren't able to, um, adapt to their surroundings. They had trouble nursing. They had all these issues, Um, all from being taken away, some by from something that was nurturing. So even if it's not the mother have being nurtured as a child, um has a great effect on how we grow up. And the thing that struck me about that study is how they always talk about how care giving and companionship is important to our social and cognitive development, the user word development as if we stopped developing once we stop being a child, but our brain, our body, are everything continues to develop up until the time we die. And so being denied, um, the ability to be social with others, the ability to be a physical touch where it's about being denied All of these things, um do. And being adult doesn't mean that we need to be adult about it and not let it affect us. It affects us, and we just need to find ways of dealing how it's affecting us as we go through this.

Tiff:   26:52
Yeah, and I would even say that as adults, kind of being the gatekeepers of this experience. We need to be mindful of what we hear both for our Children and ourselves. And earlier you talked about voice and vibration of voice and words. Create a reality, right? So repeatedly hearing that we need to stay away from each other and self isolate and to stay at home even though it's needed and justified right now, it may amplify the fact that we can't have our most basic needs of nurturing on top of the fear it creates, which is needed for survival. Yes, but but still can be emotionally damaging. You know, I think that Ah, that hearing it makes us legitimately need touch even more. Or at least to be social even more. And you think about it. Something like 9 11 When, uh when the towers fell, you saw strangers even hugging. And people still do that in remembrance of it today. So for many of us, this is the first time we've faced if not if not for most of us is the first time we faced this level of threat to our well being. And we can't comfort each other in a way that releases the biochemical reaction that we need. Forced to really feel confident, you know?

Steve Reedy:   28:24
Yes, You're saying we are being forced to isolate and be separate is the very opposite of what human being beings naturally do in time of crisis. Crisis like this anyways, where suddenly differences in religion and belief, systems and politics should be pushed aside as we all try to get through this. Yeah, it's actually interesting to think about

Tiff:   28:50
and to hear you explain it that way, it makes me makes me feel a little sad, and this is one of those times when we really might need to hook someone, especially if it's a person who is ill or struggling with the virus or dying, you know. But on the flip side, we need healthy, comforting, um invited, comforting that makes us feel less vulnerable in more secure. I mean, when we are able to be embraced or touched in a healthy, loving way that's welcomed, it can help to strengthen our immune system. And to the contrary, when we feel stress and were not able to release that stress or have the chemical reaction with them that that can help to offset it, then it could be very damaging, thereby making us more vulnerable to something like a virus, you know?

Steve Reedy:   29:59
So I guess the question is, how do we self soon if we can't feel and be around the vibration of others and embrace others as we go through this worldwide crisis? I guess if that's what you want to call it, Um, how do people self suit? I mean, I know people, not everyone's isolated alot. There are plenty of families out there that are isolated together now whether or not they want to be isolated together. That's another issue. But some families are out there and they are self soothing or the parents are having to sell to the Children. Um, or the Children. In some cases, they're trying to sell through the parents. Uh, but given the fact that everybody is isolated in their home, what do we do? Teoh sooth the home. I guess that would be the best way.

Tiff:   30:53
Look. Yeah. Good point. You know, earlier when we were talking about that, when we come into the world, the one of the first sensations that we feel maybe the doctor, a midwife removing us from the womb, right, And I think that we're hardwired for touch in that way A s infants. We suck on her fingers or toes, even to comfort ourselves. And, um, yes, we get older. We find other ways to comfort ourselves if we, um let's say if we if something hurts us emotionally, you know, we go back into the fetal position, that's very instinctual. So I think that we can do that still for ourselves. Just do it mindfully. And if we're in the home with other people whether it's family or even friends. You know, we could comfort each other by providing a back rub or something. I think that there's ways that we can do it in a way that's healthy and respectful and provides us the nurturing we need

Steve Reedy:   32:05
by the whenever I teach my students. How did hear a key? I teach them that it's our natural inclination that any time we feel pain, whether it be emotional or physical, that is, um, in eight for us to place our hands on the area of pain. Like if you have heart ache, you place your hand over your heart to sues the pain of the emotional pain. Ah, headache. You put your hand on your head something with your knee. You put your hand on your knee. It's our natural inclination, but our hand on something to soothe ourselves now, no mustard therapy. Also, they employees nerve strokes, saying with Swedish massage. Nurse strokes is basically just using the tips of your fingers too slowly. Stroke, um, like the skin on your arm or the skin on your leg or skin on your back. Um, because it stimulates the nervous system. And when the nervous system has stimulated. It releases, you know, serotonin, dopamine, the body which, you know, creates either a soothing effect or an enjoyable or happy effect. Um, so, yeah, Self soothing through physical touch is wonderful. Um, people who physical touches their, you know, blood language. You

Tiff:   33:22
know, I have to tell you, I love no never strokes. I find myself doing that. I do. Man, I tell you, I find myself doing that meditation, right? I'll, I'll get myself into a nice, you know, chill state of mind or lack of mine, if you will. And, uh, and because being a rinky healer a swell, I do that by even just moving energy around me in my meditation space. And then sometimes I'll just start stroking my arm. You know, I I have a Mohawk. So half the time I don't have any hair on my head s, so that makes it really easy, But, uh, but yeah, and so Well, just kind of can't believe this. I'm sitting here talking to you when I'm doing it right now. As if so when you can see me, you know it. But I'll run my head and I'll play with my my tuft of hair and and it's, you know, and it becomes this this communion with myself in my spirit and my energy and in addition to just the practice of meditation. But then that brings my physical self into it, and it allows me to go even deeper and connect not only that but to connect my energy with my body and be in in unity with it. And so that's something that I think that would be great for people to try. It's that, uh, you know, whether they pray or they meditate or they, you know, whatever their practices, just to, you know, be be vulnerable and allow yourself to move, you know, and just stroke your body and feel your connection with yourself. And if if they do have a partner, then if they meditate together, then invite that partner to do the same thing with, um, you know, that also makes me think about one of the things I love to do is ecstatic dance. I haven't been as often as I'd like, but there's a contact improv part of it. And for those who aren't familiar with ecstatic dance, it's just this free for all you know, dance like no one's watching sort of thing in a room full of people. It's so it's something that happens across the globe, right? And I know you're familiar with ecstatic dance, Stephen and, uh, you know, And so when you're moving and feeling the energy than it it does, it helps to move the stagnant places of energy in your body and allows you to be at a deeper piece and then with a contact improv part of it, rolling your body along with someone else and trusting them to hold you. It's just it's just beautiful. And it just the fact that this is something that is common across the globe, um, is a confirmation of how of why touch is so important to us.

Steve Reedy:   36:21
And if one of your listeners, you know, it was curious about that, but stuck in their home again, there's other variances of it. Yoga for one, Xi Gong Taiji. They're all different ways of expressing yourself through the movement of your body, which is also vitally important right now because our lymphatic system works on movement. And so the more that people move around in their home while they're stuck in it the better. Um, because unlike your circulatory system, which works on a pump, your lymphatic system actually is a series of ducks that open and close every time you move a limb on arm a hand or whatever. And so people who are constantly secretary, especially for long periods of time, their bodies become extremely unhealthy. And then physical touch doesn't even feel good because your body is full of fluid that has needed to be moved. Not everybody responds to physical touch, either. I mean, the love language. There's five. And if people don't know what love languages are you, there's websites where you can take the five love language test. And it might be something to do now because if you're having trouble self soothing, then you could always not just figure it out for yourself. But also let your partner know what would be the best way to help you, like self soothing through your voice, telling yourself you're going to be okay for people who love languages, words of affirmation telling yourself things are going to be all right, telling yourself soothing words. How, um, quality time with your partner? Um, just being with somebody for a short period of time or in the vicinity of someone. If that is your love language, that helps. If you can't actually be with someone, then you can always skype someone or zooms on wonder face time. Someone so you connect, least have scheduled quality time with somebody, Um, gifts. That's another love language. You can make things for yourself or your you could make things for your partner, um, acts of service again. You put those shoes away that you keep leaving at the door little things that you can do to soothe people. That may seem like nothing, but right now it would really mean something to the people that you're locked in your home with.

Tiff:   38:42
Well, when we're seeing how in Italy and I saw a video in Brooklyn and other places where people were going out on their balconies and you know, singing and what not that is the self is not only about community, but it's also about soothing, and that has nothing to do with touch it, you know, again bringing up about moving energy through sound. That's a part of that as well

Steve Reedy:   39:04
as pretty amazing. Said something about their society. I think if people did that in America, they might think we're insane.

Tiff:   39:09
Uh huh. Yeah, well, you know, like, say we was that there was one in Brooklyn I saw, but I don't I don't know if it was, I couldn't tell if if what I was hearing was a soundtrack or people actually singing because, you know, it was New York and New York is big and, like, how can they hear each other? You know, but but yes. Oh, that's that's definitely part of it. Well, in for those who would like, um, touch is part of their their regimen. Then there's also dry brushing. This is something I haven't really I've learned a little bit about, but I don't know a whole lot about it. But I hear that dry brushing is supposed to be releasing um of, you know, soothing hormones in Earth's in us as well. So you may want to google that and look that up a swell

Steve Reedy:   39:58
cuddling a pillow also works. That's why body pillows air so popular, um, like with recess monkey's again, you substitute. Ah, what you are desire ing with something that your body can admit love on. So like a pillow are stuffed animal or anything When we were kids, we would love on stuffed animals, and we would be able to, uh, Exume love onto an inanimate object. And an inanimate object that we can express love toward still triggers all of that serotonin and dopamine on all those healthy chemicals that go into our brain and the rest of our nervous system. And so again, Carlos research, you know, would not be allowed to be done today. But it did show that if you replace something with an inanimate object, it still creates some kind of positive feeling. If you replace, replace an inanimate object with a non inanimate object, the person that wants to express love, it's still able to express it and feel those chemicals going through their nervous system.

Tiff:   41:11
Yeah, and you know what? For word people, man seeing, you know? I mean, heck, if someone's list think, then you might inspire them to straighten this thing to, you know,

Steve Reedy:   41:23
talk to the teddy bear. Whatever.

Tiff:   41:25
Yeah, exactly. You know, we're right journal. Get Just get it out. And you know whatever is true for you, just allow yourself to be soothed and and that's, I think, another question that is key for me anyway. Toe ask myself if I find myself feeling which I have felt. I mean, man, the past couple of days of have been a bit of a struggle, and when I find myself in that place is how do I really want to be comforted right now? And I'm I'm really with myself about it, and sometimes I just don't It's like, Man, this is you know, it's like, No, I just want to be a child about it because I have a child in me, you know? And I want her to just be able to be upset about this, and that's perfectly OK. You know, I

Steve Reedy:   42:17
think it's called validating your feelings. You, your partner. To do it, you should do it for yourself. Meaning absolutely. Everyone thinks I'm the peaceful, non emotional one. But boy, I've had moments over the last couple of weeks, and, uh, I allow myself to have those feelings. I tell myself, it's okay. I try not to beat myself up for them, for you know, the belief that every healer has to be perfect. Um, and then I get to move on. But the point is validation. Then soothe. Yes, I feel over right now, but it is going to be OK. You don't beat yourself up for feeling bad, and you don't say other people have it worse because the brain doesn't know how to release negative neurochemicals based on the experience you're having. It just knows how to release those negative miracle neurochemicals. Someone who just lost someone is going to have the same neurochemicals released as someone who is afraid of losing someone or someone who is isolated or someone who is not able to see their friends and family. It's the same Kim amount of chemical being released. I have so many clients that come in that try to unveil it, ate their feelings by saying, Well, I'm not as bad as so and so, but the brain doesn't think that way. The brain just produces the same amount of chemicals, no matter how bad someone else's like maybe compared to yours. So again, validate the feelings and then self suit

Tiff:   43:52
well, and the other part of that you talked about Thea five love languages. There's also were made up of all the elements Earth, air, fire, water and either right And, ah, neither is you know, if if one embraces that divine intelligence and whatnot and and water is representative represented in our emotions, I think it's really important that we don't stuff that down. You know, we have to allow it to flow because otherwise it's gonna become like a bob just stagnant and, you know, wet and boggy. And just it's not a healthy way to be in that. You know, when we know that we if we have, you know, a contagion that's in a wet environment than oftentimes, it can fester into something more more harmful than what it started out to be. And so if we feel like screaming or crying, I mean, if you live in an apartment, you want to tell your neighbors I promise you I'm okay. Just knock on the wall. Hey. All right. You know, I'm going to scream. Want to join me, you know? But, you know, it's it's important that we give ourselves to your point permission to feel what we're feeling. You know, if we're angry and man fucking pissed off about what the hell? You know this wasn't supposed to happen. You know, they're people lose their jobs and all this or think it's OK to be pissed about it. It's OK to be scared and angry and upset and sorrowful for the people who are out there, you know, in the hospitals fighting for us. You know, we have to give ourselves that permission. In my opinion,

Steve Reedy:   45:29
we do, especially whenever there are several people out there in office. Especially that, um I think that for some reason we need to suck it up and get back to work. And so we're surrounded by all these people that are pretty much telling us that we need to, you know, swallow our feelings and go back to doing what we were doing the best that we can, which is different than balloting, your feelings and saying I I'm feeling this. I need to somehow get through this. I need to find a way to self soothe myself, and then I can be productive. They want us to just continue to be productive. Um, all I've seen is with my clients. Most of my clients are having a great deal of difficulty again with how do I deal with my emotions. How do I deal with being isolated? How do I deal with this constant? You know, clash of information that I'm receiving from all sides telling me I should stay home. I should not stay home. I should, you know, grow up or whatever it is that they're saying. Um, and on top of that, they are having to make sure that their brain is not going off into its imagination and then imagining every possible negative possibility that could happen between now and August.

Tiff:   46:53
Um, yeah. Yeah, well, you know, and especially in the West, we we drive ourselves, man. We drive ourselves so so badly over here. I can't remember exactly what the number is but on I know that for Westerners, we we often don't even take a lot of our our vacation time and things of that nature. And so, um and so it's it's tough for us to slow down, you know, uh, and in way almost have to be given permission or made to do it sometimes.

Steve Reedy:   47:28
Yeah, and I talked to a lot of plans lately who were They are not able to, um, take vacation because this is considered to be their vacation. Um, Or if they don't show up for work at work, then that is considered vacation. The only way that they Consejo HMAS If they take vacation, hopefully things they're going to change soon. Um, how I'm supposed to be on vacation, actually was supposed to be visiting my parents, uh, this week. And, uh, not only can I not fly to visit my parents, but if I did, then I'd have to quarantine myself for 14 days to make sure I didn't get them sick. So I am here, like everyone else re adjusting to the new reality.

Tiff:   48:22
Yeah, it's stuff, man. Well, and one of the thing that that leads me to is that when we're giving ourselves permission to feel we think it's important that we acknowledge the underlying challenges that that other than just this the self isolation But the things that that are that we're trading off, right? For a safety, you mentioned vacation. And I know that you were You were supposed to launch your book.

Steve Reedy:   48:52
Oh, yeah. Business. My book launch month. I worked on that book. Just the illustrations alone for 2.5 years with my illustrator and we were launching the book this month. And, of course, I think it was the three days before everyone started running for toilet paper. I announced the publication of my third book and ah, I have council cancelled the book lunch. I've cancelled a couple of other things that have had to deal with it. And, uh, I'm readjusting. I'm doing a lot of things now with it. Like I'm giving away books to Children who are stuck at home. Um, I'm doing contest for Children to where they can win a bunch of my books. I'm lowering the cost. Almost nothing of my first book on Kendall. Just so all these people will have something fun while they are stuck in home. Is something fun for me, too. I'm trying to turn what waas? An epic disappointment into something that I can still enjoy. So I'm going to enjoy giving away free books to kids who are stuck at home. So only

Tiff:   50:11
one of your stories. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Okay. Great. Um, so in one of your stories deals with worry. I know you have a story in there about about fear as well, so it's it's I mean, you worked on this for years. It is very timely. Right now

Steve Reedy:   50:28
you have the third book has one of the stories is about a child who, um comes across a box with some liquid image that's left by this creature in the forest. That things that all the Children need to worry about, all the horrible things that could possibly happen so that they stay safe. Um, And then, of course, she learns what where he is and then has to learn how to deal with or how to get rid of the worry. And so I teach Children and adults the difference of shape between being worried and being concerned. We're being worried and being careful, and it's actually everyone loves that story, the other ones based on fear, how to not fear the unknown, which a lot of my clients have a great deal of difficulty with. The reason why they're always afraid of losing their job is because they're afraid of what may happen afterwards. And so I got a lot of people right now who I'm talking to him counseling, where I'm trying to remind them that you know, if they have not lost their job yet. Then if they worry that they are going to, they're releasing the same neurochemicals into their brain as if they've already lost the job. And so the book again is mostly just about how to control your brain. And so I'm going to be doing everything I can to make sure it still gets into the hands of people because I wrote it for people to, um, not only just read for enjoyment, which there are a lot of fun, but also everyone who has read the book has come out of it different, different and thought and different in perception. Which is exactly what I designed for it to do. But just with rhyming and and fun characters and stuff like that, rather than coming across something like a self help book. So yes, 2020 was going to be my year, just like several other people. And now, whenever people look at the copyright date on my inside flap, they're going 2020 the year of the plague.

Tiff:   52:46
Yeah, so you know, it's funny because, um, I remember when I received my copy of Of Bum has from you. You said Well, he Do you want me to, um, to autograph IQ for And I said me. So just know I'll be picking up another copy for for my son. And? And I need to send um my my daughter. She doesn't have sees out there in l. A. And she doesn't have all three books, so I'll be sending her. So you'll you'll be getting in order for May. You know, I have to have to share the love, you know? Well, Steve, um, help our fellow explorers to know how to find you.

Steve Reedy:   53:33
Oh, um, well, you can either go in my, uh, counseling Ray Key website, which is renewed bash spirit dot com were you just type in. My name's di greedy, and it comes up, um, for

Tiff:   53:48
my Children to spell. You're listening for

Steve Reedy:   53:50
r e d Y in just Steve. My parents left off the even. So it's just Steve reading. And then my Children's books are under monkey mind tails dot com. I also the story that you had mentioned, um, the one about worry. Uh, I decided that since I couldn't have my book lunch, I recorded myself reading it aloud so people can actually listen to the story on my website or on my YouTube channel.

Tiff:   54:18
Okay. And how they find you on YouTube,

Steve Reedy:   54:21
Just they can type in Steve ready, or they can go through my website. A monkey mind tails dot com. Go to the media section.

Tiff:   54:32
Okay. Wonderful. Well, Steve, I just want to thank you so much for your time today. You know, I you and I, we have such great conversations. I really wanted to ah, to share some of this with the with our fellow explorers. And and I tell you, there's so much more we could talk about. Would you be willing to come back for another exploration sometime?

Steve Reedy:   54:54
Of course. This actually gave me a lot to think about, so Yeah,

Tiff:   54:59
Wonderful. All right, everybody, thank you so much for joining us. And you'll be hearing from us against soon. In the meantime, just please stay safe. Stay healthy, and we send you lots and lots of love. Bye.